So I stopped blogging for a season, did you notice? Maybe not. I sure did though. I had this looming fear that everything that transpired during this time where I had stopped I would forget (due to my crazy mommy brain that has never ended).

After the whole situation with having to give up Prada (so silly I know) but my heart was slightly broken and I just didn't know what to write. Even if it was just a memory I wanted to keep of the kids.

Dogs really are a part of the family and she had been with us longer then our children but at the end of the day our children are our first priority so we had to make a really hard decision.

Brent and I have talked about getting a new dog and the truth is I am just not ready yet. We have also talked about moving/building and if that happens having a puppy wouldn't be wise. We are going to wait and see how the next few years look and when we feel like the time is right we will for sure hop on the dog train again.

So much has transpired in the past months. I think the best thing I can do is to just pretend like no time has transpired because I can't possibly recap the past months lol. Lets be real I don't have that type of time. I mostly blog in my spare time in the bath LOL!

Anyways I hope and pray you are all doing well. I should post again VERY soon!

Prada

On the week of my birthday Prada got into the sheep pen. She bit one of the lambs. The next day she got in and killed 3 sheep. One died from a punctured windpipe the other two died from the stress of the attack. 

Prada had been a great dog for 7 years. She's always been a great dog to us and our kids. Let's just say this has been a really hard week. We found a new home for her. {somewhere with no animals and no children}

Today we said our goodbyes.

Animals become part of your family. We know it was the right choice but it's still been such a hard situation to walk through with our kids and for us. 

My heart is broken. We miss her already, immensely. Audrey and I took it the hardest. We are cuddles up in my bed during naptime chatting about her and how much we love her. 

It's really hard to get into the details and the decision making process around it. Just pray for us as we grieve for Prada. Although she is just in another home, it's still a loss and a hard one for children to understand. A hard one for us as well. This was something we never thought we'd have to walk through. 

Leather pants

I always swore I would never humiliate my kids and be that mom that wears leather pants....

Why would I say that. Because I remember being picked up in middle school by my mom in them and how my guy friends talked about her for weeks. It horrified me....

BUT

I love them.

Someone gifted me a pair....

I can't help but say to myself 'as long as I stop wearing them before they are in middle school...right?'

Worms

Beckham don't bite your nails

-why

Because you'll get worms in your tummy and they will come out your bum (yes I did just become my mom)

-really?

Yes

-I want worms, then I pull them out and play with them 

😳😳😳😳😳

Profound Pause

I had to pause today. I had this huge moment with beckham. It started with something and turned into something beautiful. 

Beckham is full throttle. He is a food machine. When meal time comes it's a little dose of chaos. The excitement is there the manners not quite. 

For lunch he had:

Peanut butter on crackers 

Apples

Pepperoni sticks 

Cheese 

Apple sauce 

Cherry tomatoes 

Kinda a mish mash. Naptime was approaching and I decided they could have a 'treat' a chocolate protein shake. It's jammed with nutrition but totally scrumptious. 

Anyways I handed it to him. Cup full. He was so excited. Within 10 seconds his jittery excited hands and gulping body threw the cup. Not really threw...but if you saw the mess you'd have thought he'd have thrown it. It litterly flung over my entire kitchen. It was mayhem. 

I looked at him with disappointment. His tears welled up in his eyes. I exasperatedly said 'that's it Beckham go get your blanket it's naptime. If you spill your shake you don't get any more . Get into bed' {we are all about natural consequences}

He sobbed all the way into bed. Proceeded to sob and sob while I cleaned it up. I was mega annoyed. This is not the first time this has happened. If I'm honest fluids get spilled almost daily between one child or the other. 

As I finished cleaning up the mess I shook it off and went to go tuck him for naptime. I crawled into bed next to him. Has quietly crying with the covers over his face. I came up behind him and put my arms around him. He pulled his head out. 

'Mommy do you still love me'

Heart shattered into a million pieces. He believes my love for him is conditional. Conditional on behaviour, conditional on acts, conditional on earning it. Do you see the parallel.

I quietly asked. 'If you spill or make a mess do you think mommy loves you?'

'No'

I am a devasted puddle on the floor. 

'Beckham I would love for forever and always, to the moon and back times infinity if you spilled you shake 100 times a day.'

A smile crept on his face 

'You still love me if I do naughty things?'

'Beckham I will love you no matter what you do. I will love you the same everyday. Sometimes mommy gets cranky, sometimes mommy gets disappointed, sometimes mommy gets mad but my love for you is the same.'

'If I bite Audrey you will still love me'

{laughter}

'Yes, but don't bite her because I'll still get mad and discipline you, but I will always love you.'

He took his hand in my hand and whispered 

'Thank you mommy'

Why was this profound. This is me daily. I feel like I constantly fail Jesus. I feel like I am not enough. I feel like I am underserving of his love. Instead of hiding under the blankets sad that I have yet again fallen short I need to take Jesus' hand that he is holding out to me and simply thank him for his mercy, his grace, his forgiveness. I am that 'shake' thrown all over my kitchen. I am that mess that he has to clean up. I am so thankful that I have a Heavenly Father that takes my hand even when I hide away. 

I honestly felt like this was a Jesus moment. He showed me through my son how much a mother loves her child and how it has no conditions. He showed me how eternal his love was for me regardless of my messiness. 

Being a mommy has been a huge gift to me. He has showed me more of who he is and what it means to have a Father and someone to love me without conditions. 

Thank you Jesus for Beckham, thank you for his tender heart. He is such an amazing blessing to myself and our whole family. You knew exactly what you were doing when you gave us him. He is our treasure (one of two treasures you have entrusted with us)

Audreys imaginary friend

Mommy I have a friend named tutu

You do? (Me)

Yup, he came to me when you were sick and daddy was with me 

Oh that's fun (me)

He makes me laugh because he does knock knock jokes

What joke did he tell? (Me)

Knock knock, whose there? Hedge, hedge who... BLESS YOU hahahaha oh Tutu you're so funny (procedes to laugh while slapping her knee)

What a funny guy (me)

He's not real, he's imaginary mommmmm. He's pretend but I like him ok?

Can he give high fives? (Me)

Yup! Tutu give her a high five, it's ok!

*high five to air*

Poop talk

'Mommy if I ate all the cookies you made I would have a ginormous poop. So big it would be a bridge we could walk on. We wouldn't walk on it because it would be stinky poop' 

#whataudreysaid

#mommylaughed

Sleep Manners

I'm napping in the same bed as Audrey.

She sits up and requests loudly!

' 'scuse me...'scuse me...'scuse me...!'

Yes honey (I said)

'Can you get my...my...my...my...my...my...my...'

Flops over 

Unconscious 

Good for her having good manners in her sleep even saying 'scuse me. Hehe

Don't step on the floor!

One of our bedtime rules is they can chat but can't step on the floor. They know if we hear them step out of their bed they will get in trouble.

How you beat mom & dad

Way #1)

You don't go on the floor. You climb across the furniture. We have full on caught them up on the 'bookcase' trying to crawl across to get into each other's beds

Way #2) 

As pictured above. When you get in trouble crawling across furniture. You take all the books out of your bookcase. You then make a path across the floor so you don't touch the floor when your making your way over and over again to your siblings bed.

Brent and I layed in bed hysterically laughing. Those smart brains and sneaky minds! We are in trouble!

Learning about money

The kids have made piggy banks {from the dollar store} and over the past few weeks they have earned .05 cents everytime they did certain chores.

They counted up their money (aided)

They each had $1.25

I almost felt guilty. They have been working SO hard. They are 3&4 though so they don't really need much more. 

Tonight we took them to the corner store to spend some of their money. They chose the candy. They counted it. They gave the lady the candy and there money. It was quite the learning experience. They both spent around .45 cents.  

Choosing the candy 

Beckham paying 

Audrey paying 

All in all they LOVED it and came home even more eager to do chores!!!

Noisy mornings

Sometimes when I'm making breakfast it takes me a few minutes to catch up mentally. Sometimes I need a few seconds of silence to wake up.

Mornings like that I require pb! Good things my kids love it. Good thing it's sticky enough to give me a few seconds to minutes of silence!

Garden ADD

When I plant seeds even in the first few weeks when I know they won't be showing the excitement feels monumental so I 'check' them 100 times a day. As you can tell that makes me super productive.

Today Audrey and I started some 

Beans

Peas 

Zucchini 

Pumpkin 

Cucumber 

Countdown to summer is ON!!!

Yes I know it's not even February! Ha ha ha!

How Beckham sleeps best

Oh my heart.

I never want to forget these napping days.

Every other day each kid takes a turn napping in my bed. We snuggle and chat and just be together a little before I insist it's time to close their eyes. These are some of my most tender moments in each day.

I'm not perfect.

I actually fail my kids daily. 

Today I felt sick (cold) and Audrey packed her preschool snack, dressed herself, got her booster from our car and sat on the driveway waiting for Uncle Lenin who was going to take her to preschool. 

I felt guilty as I stood at my window watching my independent girl fend for herself. I also felt super proud. This isn't everyday it's actually more of s 0.05% but still. She just sat and waited so perfectly!

These naptime moments are my time in the crazy day to lay down, relax, snuggle, and pour into my child instead of the usual RUSH rush rush we are normally in. We are still. We are quiet. We are chatty. We are whatever we want to be for those few minutes. Even on my worst day. Naptime isn't just my favourite for 'a break' it's my favourite for those quiet tender moments. I know they are going to fade and be few and far between. Until then I will daily look forward and 'slow down' to get those quiet moments in.

Beckham isn't as chatty as Audrey. He is VERY cuddly. He loves touch. He requests 'tuddle mommy' almost everytime. When he's ready to sleep he pushes away and then requests to hold hands while he falls asleep. 

He's got a whole rhythm. It's heaven. Even on days he makes me crazy those moments melt it all away and make everything fresh. I love these moments. 

Age 3&4 

It's heaven 

They are like puppies, sweet, cute and cuddly! If only they could stay 'puppies' forever!

Ego Crusher

I am crying so hard because dinner is so yucky

*this said after attempting to put water from her cup into her dinner thinking that it would make me let her not eat it*

Tough luck, now you're eating soggy dinner an hour later and going straight to bed.

Meanest mommy.

Apparently.

Dinner actually rocked.

She's nuts 

Bugging comes so natural

Haha Beckham has learned how to press Audrey's buttons and I can't deny that I find it hysterical to watch. 

'Hi Audrey, hi Audrey, hi Audrey, hi, hi, hi'

Usually Audrey is the one that tries to bug Beckham but he has seemed to have figured out how to turn the tables. 

Almost finished-kids bedroom redo

How much did I spend?

Gallon of paint $30

Time peeling decals off (grrr)

Paint from kids craft cupboard to paint the sunshine 

$3 for cardstock to print off banner 

$20/bed for bedding (thank you target!)

$1.50 x 4 for picture frames that spell love

$1.25 for blue 'C'

Had all furniture just rearranged it. (Hubby was positive it would look ugly this way! I beg to differ hehe)

If you're wondering about the 'painting in the window' it's instead of blackout blinds. We simply slipped MDF painted white behind there blinds. It was cheap and did the trick but needed some revamping! 

After 

Before 

Halloween 2015 ideas from Audrey

'How about beckham is a pirate, I'm a princess, mommy is a dragon and daddy can be a princess in my princess dress with me.'

Sure Audrey if daddy says yes that sounds like a great idea

Kids bedroom update (again)

finished their window sign!

It's a beautiful day...to play outside (or be enemies)

My kids. They aren't perfect. They are mostly best friends. Sometimes you get s day like today were they are enemies though.

Audrey awoke from her nap with a zest for life and wanting to play outside. I relate to her. When it's sunny my soul sings to the same beat as hers.

Beckham woke up with different plans. Temper tantrum city. Enemies till the end.

Audrey was gracious and forgiving. Sometimes wide eyes and confused by his chaos. She rolled with it.

She went to give him s shovel, he in turn threw it down the stairs (outside on our patio) and said 'that's the wrong one!'

Goodness gracious she was just being kind. 

She apparently found the 'right shovel' 10mins later. Well well well...now they are best friends. He is happy. She has forgotten his chaos. 

If only we as adults could replicate that kind of forgiveness. That kind of 'forgive and forget'. It truly is amazing to watch.

Some may say I 'lazy mom'd it' by sitting by the sidelines and letting them work it out. I think I am training them to be adults. I want them to work it out on their own. I want them to learn to talk, reconcile and forgive naturally. I am sitting close by ready to jump in if they need me but until they do I'm quite proud to watch them work on their relationship on the sidelines. 

'Mommy you wipe my bum'

Every stinking day.

6:45am

A little naked bum appears on my side of the bed.

Sometimes he's bent over grabbing his ankles perhaps anticipating I'm ready to wipe his bum from bed...that would never happen. Either way I wake up with a bum in my face...a poopy bum.

Other days when I don't wake up fast enough he heads to our ensuite and leans against the shower and chants 'wipe my bum, wipe my bum wipe my bum'

I seriously can't help but laugh.

When he is quiet enough to not wake daddy with his chants I try and quietly whisper ask daddy. Sometimes I get away with it. Sometimes I think I just married a wonderful man and he lets me get away with it.

Beckham says

'Daddy, I don't want to go to school I just want to work with you always'

Bedroom redo-another volume.

We got the bedding in the mail today!!! 

Still a few more steps to all come together!

Audrey says

'My favourite part of preschool is snack time I'm so hungry' 

Brent's Christmas gift to me <3

Scary moments

When you're in the basement and you hear 'pitter patter' while you're cleaning. Then you hear the fridge open. Then silence. You just keep cleaning. Audrey's been pretty good about just helping herself to oranges etc. I didn't think anything of it...

She had diced a whole apple. To my horror. Those little fingers. That sharp knife. Oh my lanta. 

We had a long talk.

She now knows knives are only for mommies and daddies 

Why Beckham couldn't sleep

'Mommy, I can't sleep because I had to poop this big'

*See below picture*