I turn thirty in just over 3 years!
Gasp!
We are closer to 30 then 25 that's for sure!
Lately I've been feeling old. Boring. Old. Boring old.
I'm not scared of turning 30. I don't think the age 30 defines me. I for sure feel totally content in all we have accomplished and the stage we are at.
I feel like the right way to describe it is I have a very adventuresome free spirit but this stage of life is a whole different kind of adventure. This last 5 years has had logs of changes in this free spirits body, mind and soul.
My first
-Stretch marks (from each babies...strangely the left hip sports my stretch marks from Audrey and my right hip from beckham
-wrinkles on my forehead
-sense of fear if something would happen to Brent or I. (Turned into impromptu life insurance within 48 hours)
-sense of fear when on adventures (took Brent flying for his birthday and realized I am not the fearless free spirit I used to be)
-outgrowing my jeans from grade 10 in not the good way...I ain't growing taller. Oh mercy.
-my life isn't just my life. My life is a constant role modelling to my babies...I am no longer just accountable to myself.
So my new haircut and color may make me feel young and trendy (as pictured below) but I'm realizing my soul isn't the soul of the 'A-typical 26 year old' I am totally ok with that as well.
So when I pronounce 'I feel old' it's not simply because I love going to bed before 10pm...it's more then that. Jesus has given me so much in the last 5 years. Maybe I just have a 'old' soul. In a good way. The stage of life and contentment isn't the same as most other 26 year olds. I'm in a different place then anyone else in my 'peer age' my peer group has jumped years ahead.
-strengthened and deepened my relationship with Jesus. I've really learned and grown in my faith. It's not just my faith because I've been told to believe it a million times but instead because I have a personal relationship with Him
-He's given me a husband who I can sincerely say is my best friend. Who I can sincerely say that I respect love and admire.
-He's given me two children who take my breath away in a good way daily. Who have taught me to be selfless, humble and gentle.
-He's given us a church to call home and raise our children in
-He's given us a home to call our own and make memories in.
-He's given me real friends. Not just friends for the good times. Friends I can cry with laugh with and walk through real life. It's something I always wanted growing up. Real friends. Genuine honest open and raw real friendship. (bizarre? Maybe I'll write about it a different day)
I'm going to embrace this 'I feel old stage' I'm going to 'tweak it' and label it differently.
It's really more like... I feel blessed beyond the years that I am. I never would have imagined the life God would have gave me. I truly wouldn't change anything (ok, maybe my pregnancies because maybe that secret not so secret ache for another child still resonates in my heart). Beyond that though I am sincerely greatful and humbled every day for the small simple thing that I get to do. (Maybe not folding laundry)...it slaughters me.
Cheers to another year feeling older.
Another year feeling blessed beyond my years. Grateful for all those that are I'm my life and who I love.
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