So right now our computer is in the shop so that is why the blogging has stopped. Brent and I have been going back and forth trying to make a decision for our family. Are we finished having children. Yes, GASP, how could we ever think of having another when it is almost a death sentence for me. I am shaking my head as I write this. Man, so many tears. I wanted twelve children, you heard that TWELVE children when I was younger. Then life because more real and I thought five was a good number. Sigh, now two seems like the most realistic number.
If I didn't get so sick it wouldn't even be a thought we would probably be giggling already laughign at how rediculously close we wanted our third to be to our last two. (16 MONTHS APART, ITS PERFECTION!)
Sigh, sob, tears, oh man it is such a struggle. Is our family complete. Well I could certainly affor cuter kids cloths if two is all I get. It just is super hard because I feel like it is not my choice. It is the choice that was handed to me. I feel anxiety at the thought of another, I feel stress at the idea of being pregnant, I feel totally sick to my stomach thinking about missing out on nine months of my kids lives AGAIN.
This is our struggle. We are figuring it out. It is a very difficult season. We are simply praying for peace and that the Lord would let us know what is right for us and our family.
A little family of four...perhaps that is all we will ever be....
plus a dog
and two turtles
and any other pets we might accumulate along the way.
Sigh, I am not feeling the peace. If you remember me shoot up a prayer for us. It is just something we are trying to work through.
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