Ok, this post is going to be strange. Slightly (overly) personal. Also hope you respond to the question(S) posted at the end. I know YOU are reading haha so don't chicken out. Give me your perspective.
I'm frugal. I don't know how it happened (not how I was raised that's for sure). It did though. I'm frugal to the bone. I can reno a house on a very limited budget, I can dress my kids with little money, I can meal plan and grocery shop on a strict budget. This is me....through and through. For a stage of life (almost a whole year) I didn't spend anything for the kids (cloths, diapers, wipes, toys, things they needed) unless it was paid for with money from selling our used things. We actually calculated it. After having kids we made money and landed up not 'SPENDING' anything. (I have maybe only paid for 2 boxes of diapers ever, and given MANY away)
I used coupons for all the wipes, diapers, formula, shampoos etc. To be honest sometimes I even got cash back, or the amount of coupons exceeded the amount so $ was taken off of the extra items I was purchasing and didn't have coupons for. (I actually went almost 3+ years without buying any razors, cleaning supplies, deodorant, toilet paper etc.), then I sold everything (often for more then I paid, because I would get such good deals), then I had gifts, well some gifts I passed on to others since they were a gift and I wanted to return the favor, other bigger ticket items I sold when we no longer needed them.
Why am I saying this? I just want you to see the big picture of a part of who I am before you hear my question and respond. You're going to respond right?
So the story behind the question:
I don't spend money on myself. I'm talking I still wear that camp shirt from 1997 to bed at night haha (poor brent), or I have sweaters from highschool that I still wear (they still look great, I swear). I just would rather spend money on everything but myself. Yet I know I need to be "updated". Kids need new cloths-I buy them, Brents jeans are faded-I buy him new ones, Kitchen needs to be re-stocked-I stock it, I am frugal but I have no problem spending when needed on anyone and anything but myself.
I am owed a few weekend aways (girls weekends) because of Brent's bribes and trades haha. Let's just say I still haven't redeemed my weekend owed to me for potty training beckham solo. So my thoughts are what happens when the time comes for that weekend. That girls weekend. Hotel, food, shopping...all expensive. I don't buy for myself often but when I do I do enjoy nice things *grin*. My frugal self was slightly stressed and didn't want it to be a burden on us when the time comes.
I came up with this great idea. Seriously, lightbulb moment happened. I do the laundry, I do the cleaning. How often does change and money just get left in cloths. Left in various places.
I decided (MONTHS) ago. I decided that when money got left in jeans in the laundry or on counters (just strewn for me to clean up) that instead of cleaning it up and putting it in the bank when needed I would put it in a jar and hide it and slowly let it accumulate. Well months later I have WELL over a couple hundred dollars (prob closer to $300+). Also when I sold certain things I would put the $ in there.
Well a couple things happened (in all honesty I am not going to say it was correct of me in this instance). I hadn't told Brent about this jar because it was my own silliness. He actually is more then happy when I spend money on myself and actually he is quite happy to spend money on himself haha. So he needed some change one day (I was outside) if I was inside I prob would have gone in and snuck some out of my jar and re-hid it haha that wasn't the case. I told him to look in my wallet and car. (I was busy planting with the kids). Turned out to be no $ in these spots that normally have some money.
Fast forward (a day later).
Brent found my jar. Lets be honest it wasn't really hidden well. It was hidden in a jar in my canning jar cupboard. He really just happened upon it.
I was horrified. Now I had to explain to him what it was for.
His thoughts are that I don't need to hoard the money, just spend what I want/need. That the $ in the jar is just as much his as it is mine. He wants to put the money in the bank and I need to just be able to start spending if I want to or need things. He also thinks I should have told him about the jar when he was looking for money (we weren't alone when he needed the money, he was with another guy whom I didn't know). Not really the time or place to tell him about my hoarding jar in my opinion.
So my thoughts, it makes me wanna cry when it comes to putting the money back in the bank. haha I feel like I worked so hard and long for it. I don't have an 'allowance' or spending money. I really don't spend at all. I am the epitome of frugal.
Brents thoughts, money is money. It's both of ours. He buys coffee multiple times a day, eats out almost everyday and a couple times a year we go through his cloths and update and get rid of things etc. He spends what he needs and he wants the same for me. He doesn't think I need a hoarding jar. (I see the reasoning behind this). The spend what you need policy doesn't work well for me as I tend to NEVER spend.
MOM I know you read my blog *wink wink* you were the one BACK in the day, the YOUNG YOUNG married day, that said money found when doing the laundry became yours. I took this as marital advice haha. I'm expecting your opinion.
So my question:
-Is it absurd to have a money hoarding jar to spend frivolously once in a blue moon
-If its ok to have that money jar, is it ok for that money jar to be just mine (not have to share it)
-Am I the only mom that finds spending money on myself to be painful?
-Do I look like i'm dated and stuck in 2005? LOL because thats the year that most of my cloths were purchased in....oh mercy.
-What works for you guys when it comes to this type of situation
Doing the allowance thing doesn't really work for Brent and I. He has a certain amount that he spends on coffee and food and stays within that +/- and everything else is pretty budgeted out (because I do the buying). We did the allowance thing and I never spent it (we did equal allowance) and Brent felt like a caged (starving) animal. So now his food/coffee budget is looser and I just don't spend.
***PS-this isn't a source of conflict just a source of debate. Brent actually thinks it's funny that I would hoard money. I still think Brent's my Prince even though he thinks I'm nutty.***
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Ok, this is my honest opinion. I repeat. MY OPINION.
ReplyDelete1. Honesty and Communication are super important in a marriage. So..... that jar should not have been kept a secret.
2. That being said, that money should be yours to spend as you please. If Brent needs some change he should ask before taking it from your jar but you should always answer "yes"
3. spending money on myself is so hard. I immediately think about everything we could use the money for besides myself.
4. You do not look out dated in my opinion but my vote probably shouldnt count for anything since my wardrobe sounds is from 2003/maternity days
5. What works for me is being honest about all money spent. I also keep a jar of money that I find. In our case, we both use the money from the jar because I use the money that Paul makes from work so he can use the money that I find while doing laundry or cleaning the couch cushions. I find that being honest (though sometimes annoying) is the best way to have a successful marriage.
7. sounds like your hubby would have no problem with you spending money on a girls weekend anyway so why keep that all a secret? Why not just keep that jar and make it a jar of change you can use to make yourself feel better about spending it and He can just use it or not use it?
Hope this is a little helpful:)