Brent merely thought it was silly to 'not spend' and instead feel like I need to 'hoard change to buy myself something. He wants me to have that freedom. It's MY own prioritizing that makes me not. My own silliness.
I received quite a few texts and emails. Made me giggle. 80% of the stay at home moms felt the same. Had a hard time spending money on themselves (ever). Even 20% admitted to having their own hidden hoarding jar. Easier to spend money on themselves with the 'leftovers' and the 'change' then from the front of the budget.
Brent admitted that he understood why I didn't tell him about the jar. He knew I didn't because he honest would...
-spend it all on Starbucks (slowly but surely!)
-think it was silly that I wouldn't feel like I could just spend.
He said we can call the jar my 'allowance jar' and maybe he will even slip a $20 in his jeans hahaha. He thinks it's silly not to just spend when needed (within our means) but if it makes me feel better I can just spend what's in the jar.
The moral to the story. Sometimes your skeleton in your marital closet is 'hoarding a change jar', sometimes you have to share it, sometimes you have to hide it better (jokes).
I still think it's funny after almost 8 years we still can laugh so hard at our differences. I litterly have been eyeing a certain sweater for almost a 2 years (it comes out every winter), Brent's opinion is he wishes I had bought it the first winter so he didn't have to hear my lusting over a sweater until the second year...and shoot I didn't justify It this year so looks like I'll be talking about it till next winter!
Do I regret not telling Brent about 'the jar', nah. He wasn't upset. More just shocked and thought I was absurd to not feel like I could spend and instead felt like I needed to hoard 'hidden change'. Am I sad I got caught, nah. It made for some interesting discussions on personality, spending, and budgets. I even get to keep my mommy $$ jar!
It really wasn't that hidden. The jar filled to the brim (nearly) was dead front and center in my jar (canning jar) cupboard. If if was a big secret I would have hid it somewhere...hidden ha ha.
I also agree honesty in a relationship is #1! Next time when I realize my inner frugal hoarder is taking over I will be more forthcoming.
It's a stage of life. It's so funny. The advice I have given to many of my new mommy friends is true to me even nearly 4 years later. Being a mommy is selfless and beautiful. You learn how much of yourself you will give and sacrifice so happily but you also need to take care of yourself because when you take care of your needs you are able to be a better wife, mommy and person.
We all have needs, desires and wants. In this case I would guess that my 'need' was feeling like I had the 'freedom' to take care of my appearance/wardrobe without having to burden the bank/budget. All realistic, reasonable desires. Brent actually pushes me to obtain these desires it's me that holds myself back. Especially in this 'mommy stage' its easy to feel frumpppppy! Rocking the baseball hat, yoga pants and athletic hoody wasn't what I was hoping my uniform would be. Yet when date night comes along I wanna be able to put on some cloths and feel like a REAL person not 'just a mom'.
So to conclude.
Mommy is keeping the jar
Mommy might get extra 'tips' in the laundry from now on (Score!)
Mommy is going to work on not being quite as frugal.
Mommy might buy daddy an occasional coffee with my hoarding allowance jar
Mommy is glad daddy is her best friend and that they could grow up and laugh together over all these funny things
Finale:
The horrible day is going to come when my kids start tapping into my 'hoarding jar' oh dear. I see a part two of this blog coming in ten years haha.
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