21 days

21 days,
todays thoughts
will this babe come early
will I be ready
will labor be crazy fast since Audrey's was
will this baby be huge since Audrey was almost 10lbs
will our parents babysit still, two is double the amount of work as one
how will I adjust
how will audrey adjust
how will brent adjust
how will our lives change
is the baby healthy
is the baby ready
is the baby going to be a good sleeper
is the baby going to nurse well
is brent going to have nightmares again (giggle)
when will babe arrive
when will life become normal
when will routine settle
a day of thoughts

I catch myself whispering these words multiple times a day.

Dear Lord, please keep this little baby safe inside of me as long as needed. Help make sure that baby is healthy and happy and that I do all that I can to keep it that way. I know that I want to have my body to myself again but in all honesty is this baby needs to stay longer I am at peace with that. Help Audrey to find the gentleness and calmness to be the big sister that you created her to be. Let us be able to teach her how to safely be a great sister and love this little baby. Bring unity to our family, and our extended family. May this little babes arrival stitch together all the things that were ripped and in need of repair. Mostly I pray that your hand be on this baby from this moment and forever more. May this babe be your child and follow you always. Help me be the parent that you want me to be. Your will Lord, not mine. Your will.

I feel like so often I get consumed with hoping for my wants and needs and desires. I know that it is a simple thing to fall into. I really pray that I can focus on these things in the next few weeks and not the things that I desire. As I grow more, as I get more and more uncomfortable. I want to focus on the fact that this is Gods plan for me, Gods plan for us. He has it all laid out. It will all happen how he wants it to happen and when he wants it to happen. I just am struggling and so it is hard to have faith that it is all in Gods plan. Sometimes I just wish that I could chose the plan. When it comes to the babe though I know that Gods plan is truly the BEST. I will have patience. I will at least try to have patience.